Thursday, January 19, 2012

Paris, take your places

Take your places

Has anyone in this family ever seen a chicken?
Arrested Development

Everyone's a jerk. You, me, this jerk.

Party everyday
Tristan des Limbes

Tristan des Limbes
I love airports. Feel safe in the airports thanks to the high caliber individuals we
have working at X-ray security. How 'bout this crack squad of savvy motivated personnel?
The way you wanna setup your airport's security, is you want the short,
heavy set women at the front with the skin tight uniform.
That's your first line of defense.
You want those pants so tight the flap in front of the zipper
has pulled itself open, you can see the metal tangs hanging on for dear life.
Then you put the bag on the conveyor belt. It goes through the little luggage car wash.
Then you have the other genius, down at the other end, looking at the little X-ray TV screen.
This Einstein was chosen to stand in front of X-rays 14 hours a day.
It's his profession. Looking in that thing...
I have looked in that TV screen. I cannot make out one object.
He's standing there... "What is that? A hairdryer with a scope on it?"
"That looks ok. Keep it moving."
"Some sort of bowling ball candle? Yeah, I got no problem with that, just..."
"You know, we don't wanna hold up the line."
Jerry Seinfeld

"Everything I know, I learned from my dad."
"Yeah, me too."
"Really? You both have the same dad?"
"We don't know. It's possible."
Beavis and Butthead

Gray hair is God's graffiti.
Bill Cosby

Turning one's novel into a movie script is rather like making a series of sketches for a painting that has long ago been finished and framed.
Vladimir Nabokov

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
Gordon R. Dickson

And they don't even tell you what the pill does, you see a lady on a horse, or a man in a tub...And they just keep naming symptoms: "Are you depressed, are you lonely, do your teeth hurt?" What the fuck? I saw a commercial the other day that said "Do you go to bed at night and wake up in the morning?" Oh shit, they got one! I got that!

Kramer: You know you're not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist.
Jerry: I think you're thinking of "You're not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery".
Kramer: Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength.



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