Roger the Alien: [after knocking out two girls in their living room] Did you see where they went?
Stanley Smith: Who?
Roger the Alien: The black guys that did this.
Roger the Alien: Is that a Chinese baby?
Stanley Smith: Sure is! Japanese, to be specific.
Captain Zapp: Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage.
Fry: Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first?
Bender: Sir, I volunteer for a suicide mission.
Captain Zapp: You're a brave robot, son. But when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.
The breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I don't... I have no problem... it's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much I want to "kill" her. It's just I want her not to be alive anymore. Uh... I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God! Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"
"This is your brain." I've seen a lot of weird shit on drugs. I have never ever ever ever EVER looked at a fucking egg and thought it was a brain.
Oh my God, space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids. Eat them!