When one rows, it is not the rowing which moves the ship:
rowing is only a magical ceremony by means of which one compels a demon to move the ship.
The American people never carry an umbrella. They prepare to walk in eternal sunshine.
Alfred E. Smith
The Incredible Machine
You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art
to see your soul.
George Bernard Shaw
Take a walk on the wild side.
Erudition: Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
Reason obeys itself, and ignorance submits to whatever is dictated to it.
Life is short. You'll never get back the years you spent wearing a moustache.
There's only four things we do better than anyone else:
Music, Movies, Microcode (software), High Speed Pizza Delivery
Neal Stephenson-Snow Crash
Of the demonstrably wise there are but two; those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink.
Life is just one cup of coffee after another, and don't look for anything else.
Bertrand Russell's last words
A recent study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
Man has always assumed that he is more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much...the wheel, New York, wars, and so on...while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man...for precisely the same reason.
He can't think without his hat.
Samuel Beckett-Waiting for Godot
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely.
The first lawyer announced "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find out prey." The second lawyer responded, "Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice we'll waste the day."
Each attorney believed themselves to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
He asks, "What's it supposed to be when finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend comes over to help, and she lets him in and shows him where she has spread out the puzzle pieces. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces to resemble a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax, and then..." he sighs, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
There are no morals in politics; there is only expedience.
A scoundrel may be of use to us just because he is a scoundrel.
I oscillate, do you?
Concealment Tazer Tock.
Banksy Fan Club!
Found in Montmartre